Last week was hard. The series of events broke me. And it was only at the end of it all that I realized that God was there during all of it, leading me slowly back to Him.
One of the downsides to choosing to double major with Creative Writing so late, is the requirements. After taking the amazing advanced writing classes that inspired me to pursue it even more, I now have to take the introduction classes. It’s these classes, or this class in particular, where I find the reason why so many people knock on MIT’s writing program. Today marks the day that I can no longer stand up for my department. Continue reading
It’s strange, but I think I’m done with this now. This… school thing. Maybe it’s the effects of coming back from a magnificent spring break (the details of which I’ve been meaning to write down… I shall do so eventually, I hope), but all in all, it’s disconcerting just how much I don’t want to be here anymore.
I’m used to not having any initiative to do my work. That takes time, but it’s not impossible to overcome. I’m used to hitting a wall. Again, difficult, yet I’ve done it before and I can do it again. But this, this is new. It’s not that I don’t have initiative, it’s just that my heart is pulling me elsewhere. I don’t want to be by myself in lab doing research, I don’t want to be by myself doing psets, I don’t want to be by myself… at all.
I want to write. To disappear into my own little world which, honestly, looks so much better than this one, if only because it’s almost real. I want to keep writing and re-writing, and sharing with my friends and reading and thinking and learning to write. I want to sing. I want to run, I want to shout, I want to laugh. I want to love.
Now that I think about it, I was doing all that and more just last week.
So now I see it – I just miss it. I physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, miss New Orleans.
But what can I do about it?
I didn’t do what MIT students are supposed to do. At 3AM this morning, when I saw that, despite all of my foresight and planning and scheduling, I was unable to finish my assignment by 9AM this morning, simply because I didn’t understand what was going on. Instead of looking things up and searching for the answers in my notes and my textbooks and being a “real MIT student” who says, “I don’t need sleep. I need an A,” I said to myself, “I can’t do this. I need sleep.” And I’m very much afraid that I’m going to look back on this missed assignment and cry my eyes out.
– Have you started packing yet? They’re gonna kick us out of our dorm soon.
– Synonyms: moving, stressing
– (infinitive): to pack
– Packing is probably the one thing that makes me wish I didn’t go shopping
– Synonyms: a-walk-down-memory-lane, I-have-too much-stuff
– Associated with: moving; getting kicked out; moving on in life; wait, I finished sophomore year?
My friend asked me for a short summary of my brief time at university so far. In hindsight, it’s something that I wanted to share.
“God is forcing me to slow down. To reevaluate the gifts he gave me that i used to take advantage of… but because of a lack of time, because i kept rushing, i left those gifts behind. But he’s been reminding me of what I had, while pushing me to keep going forward.
Its been slow, but productive.
Relaxing, but busy.
God, friends, sleep, and myself: past, present, and future.
There’s just one more miracle that i’m believing for before classes start, but until then… the river’s beautiful ^^”