I sat at the kitchen table with the Best Intentions. My Bible is in the bag with my journal and prayer notebook at my feet. I bring out my laptop to finish listening to that sermon that blessed me so much yesterday. I make myself soup, one of my favorites, and sit to write a letter to my boyfriend, one of the many he’ll never read. Then from there, the battle began. Continue reading
It’s been a while since I’ve written, and while I know that no apology is necessary, I almost feel as though it’s compulsory to give an excuse for my absence. I don’t yet have the words for it, but I will do my best to try. Later.
In the interim, I stumbled across a short musing I had written early last semester. It’s wordy and written in a voice that I no doubt integrated from a book I was reading at the time, but it’s true nonetheless. That was a time that I quite enjoyed writing down what was going on with me. It is probably an exercise that had kept me sane back then. I know this because the throwback was enough to make me return here, as I’ve been trying to make myself do for the past few months. Perhaps that’s an indication that God has something to do with this – plus, it’s Thursday, the official day of the week for pensive throwbacks. Continue reading
It feels like such a novel concept, in a way. The idea that by leaving something behind, there will be more that God will reveal. It’s odd to think about, especially considering it’s the basis of my faith: by putting behind our sinful man, God fills us up with His Love, His Presence; by letting go of this world, He brings us into His Kingdom. But I guess I never, until now, realized that it applies to this. To him. And to myself. Continue reading
Something tells me that there should be hope at the end of this… I’m just not sure what it looks like yet. When I do, I’ll write it. I’ll post it. But for now, this is all there is.
boom. there goes the cannon.
a cannonball of memories explode your world to smitherines
unable to escape its destruction it haunts you
poison gas of contempt follows you Continue reading
I didn’t do what MIT students are supposed to do. At 3AM this morning, when I saw that, despite all of my foresight and planning and scheduling, I was unable to finish my assignment by 9AM this morning, simply because I didn’t understand what was going on. Instead of looking things up and searching for the answers in my notes and my textbooks and being a “real MIT student” who says, “I don’t need sleep. I need an A,” I said to myself, “I can’t do this. I need sleep.” And I’m very much afraid that I’m going to look back on this missed assignment and cry my eyes out.