Tag Archives: love

A Few of My Favorite Things

I love the smell of vanilla. That warm, heady scent full of sweetness and promises of rest. The scent of vanilla forces you to slow down in a way that the smell of flowers doesn’t. Flowers will make you smile; vanilla makes you stop. You have to stop and savor it, like the taste of thick, creamy hot chocolate as it flows over your tongue. That moment when you close your eyes and allow time to slow down just a little bit so the moment can last a little longer. That’s the smell of vanilla.  Continue reading

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Fighting Myself

It happened suddenly… it’s one of the reasons why I haven’t written in so long. On June 5th, I met a man who sees more in me than I’ve ever been willing to see in myself. Despite everything I throw at him he refuses to leave… if anything he becomes more stubborn to stay and show me how he sees me. He uses elegant words and phrases to tell me who I am to him, who God is to him, who he was and who he wants to be. I get tongue-tied, awkward in my own skin and fearing the day that he realizes what he’s done, and who I am. It’s taken a toll on me, this fear, and its come to the point that I’ve realized that its not his fault. It’s mine – and I’m tired of fighting myself.  Continue reading

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Seeing Yourself in the Mirror

At some point or another, we’ve all had that one really good friend say to your face how horrible you are as a person. While we may not take it well, it’s things that we have to hear. Because those are the things we may ignore when we look at ourselves. On the flipside, that same really good friend sometimes tells you to your face what an amazing person you are. The reaction to this may also be negative, because we may choose not to see those traits, and instead focus on the flaws.

But what God does, what God did, is to give you the ability to look into the mirror yourself with open eyes, seeing both good and bad, both holy and evil. But it’s not right to take shame and self-pity from the bad, or pride and self-gratification from the good. All must be taken with humility: all good things come from God, and He loves us despite the bad. He wants to bring out of us the good, and He came to save us from the bad. He is, Himself, the mirror into which we look, and when we open our eyes, we see hope. Hope of who we are, and who we are to be, in Christ Jesus.

Hope and humility – the two keys necessary to continue looking into His face despite ourselves. To continue searching for Heaven.

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I forgot I love this

One of the hardest things about taking the road less traveled is remembering why you started in the first place. So many times you arrive at a fork in the road, a setback, a rut, the road ends and continues after a three foot wide chasm, and you think to yourself, “how did I get myself here?” And what’s there to make things even worse? The memories of what you left behind in order to pursue your “dream.”  Continue reading

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I fell in love with a book today

It might have been because the day is gorgeous today. Even at 9AM when I was walking to church, the sun was high and warm, and the surroundings were just… lovely.

It might have been because of the sermon today. I’ve been praying for God to give me a love for His word, and the message talked all about how precious and powerful and wonderfully good the Word is. The resonance of truth really stuck with me as I began my walk back to campus.

I do believe it was because I felt God told me to slow down. Just on my way back home I was thinking about all the things I should do, and it was if His hand fell onto my shoulder and just, halted me. I looked around and noticed anew how beautiful the day was. To my left was a bench in the sunshine, and I decided to sit, and just be. Continue reading

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Cross-shaped

Last week was hard. The series of events broke me. And it was only at the end of it all that I realized that God was there during all of it, leading me slowly back to Him.

Continue reading

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A girl walks life without love

She hears about it, sees it, wants it,

but never receives it.

She asks about it – how?

why?

who?

Then pushes it aside – it will never happen.

Only to learn that the one who loves her,

she could never love in return.

A Tragedy

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Tired Already?

It’s strange, but I think I’m done with this now. This… school thing. Maybe it’s the effects of coming back from a magnificent spring break (the details of which I’ve been meaning to write down… I shall do so eventually, I hope), but all in all, it’s disconcerting just how much I don’t want to be here anymore.

I’m used to not having any initiative to do my work. That takes time, but it’s not impossible to overcome. I’m used to hitting a wall. Again, difficult, yet I’ve done it before and I can do it again. But this, this is new. It’s not that I don’t have initiative, it’s just that my heart is pulling me elsewhere. I don’t want to be by myself in lab doing research, I don’t want to be by myself doing psets, I don’t want to be by myself… at all.

I want to write. To disappear into my own little world which, honestly, looks so much better than this one, if only because it’s almost real. I want to keep writing and re-writing, and sharing with my friends and reading and thinking and learning to write. I want to sing. I want to run, I want to shout, I want to laugh. I want to love.

Now that I think about it, I was doing all that and more just last week.

So now I see it – I just miss it. I physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, miss New Orleans.

 

But what can I do about it?

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Shock #tbt

It’s been a while since I’ve written, and while I know that no apology is necessary, I almost feel as though it’s compulsory to give an excuse for my absence. I don’t yet have the words for it, but I will do my best to try. Later.

In the interim, I stumbled across a short musing I had written early last semester. It’s wordy and written in a voice that I no doubt integrated from a book I was reading at the time, but it’s true nonetheless. That was a time that I quite enjoyed writing down what was going on with me. It is probably an exercise that had kept me sane back then. I know this because the throwback was enough to make me return here, as I’ve been trying to make myself do for the past few months. Perhaps that’s an indication that God has something to do with this – plus, it’s Thursday, the official day of the week for pensive throwbacks.  Continue reading

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A Small Revelation

A little something from my journal that I felt led to share:

I need to stop being so selfish; I need to stop acting like a baby. Always thinking about my faults and my flaws and my setbacks and my demons. Jesus paid the price for me – I’m taken care of. That’s why I’m to love him first then others, then myself. For in loving God and others I love myself. Serving God and others is using the gifts God gave me in that I show grace and mercy to myself by allowing myself to take hold of the gifts from God for the sake of others.

I have flaws; a no-brainer. Self-help is not Christianity. Being a follower of Jesus means putting yourself behind you, and taking a step of faith forward towards Jesus. We are no longer enslaved to ourselves because Jesus paid the price for us. He saved us, pinned each and every sin on the cross – I am free.

The only way to claim it is to believe it. The only way to believe it is to act on it. Faith without works is dead.

Walk with Jesus. Listen to Jesus. Let the Spirit speak, shine, and love through me. That is what I have to do.

No, it’s not as easy as that. There is an enemy. But I have hope – we have the victory. All I have to do is keep standing up, in awe of the one who gave it all so that I may have life and life more abundantly. For in Him we are more than conquerors: we are children of God.

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