Tag Archives: lost

Wishing on Bubbles

I wish I could have my friends back.

It’s only happened three times, but for me it’s three times too many times. They were all dear to me, like brothers. And they all disappeared from my life without any kind of explanation.

I wish I could ask them why: what did I do wrong? When did this happen? Why was I the last to know that we were no longer friends? Well, I suppose I wouldn’t ask the last one.

I see them sometimes, and it baffles me how I used to know them so well a lifetime ago. Well, one of them is in Germany, so I don’t see him at all except when his posts come onto my Facebook newsfeed. Which counts, I suppose. But it’s sad too, in a way – Facebook friends, but not friends, really.

I still consider them to be my dear friends though. I’m not the kind of person who can forget what people mean to her easily. The memories will always stay with me: all the times we hung out, cried on each others shoulders, laughed together, helped each other….

But I suppose it’ll always be this way. After all, our lives have changed. I suppose we don’t know how to be friends anymore.

I don’t know why I do this to myself, but I always wish on bubbles. And they always pop in my face.

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A Scary Thought

“There must be something wrong with me.”

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The Choice That Reeks Suspiciously of Failure

I didn’t do what MIT students are supposed to do. At 3AM this morning, when I saw that, despite all of my foresight and planning and scheduling, I was unable to finish my assignment by 9AM this morning, simply because I didn’t understand what was going on. Instead of looking things up and searching for the answers in my notes and my textbooks and being a “real MIT student” who says, “I don’t need sleep. I need an A,” I said to myself, “I can’t do this. I need sleep.” And I’m very much afraid that I’m going to look back on this missed assignment and cry my eyes out.

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It’s really hard to be better

“Do better, be better” is a saying that has stuck in my entire family’s vocabulary. But IRL, it’s so much harder to make any positive change stick the same way. So many times I go forward to do something, and either that something slowly (or quickly) disappears, or I completely return to a previous version of myself. Two steps forwards, four steps backwards. It’s discouraging, and now it’s gotten to the point where I feel like I can’t ask God for help.  Continue reading

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The Lost Beauty of Words

“I don’t like reading. I prefer watching the movies.” Probably one of the most unfortunate things I’ve ever been close enough to hear. I’ve heard it several times, and every time it pains me in a way that I couldn’t truly describe. At first I thought it was just the sadness that comes from someone saying that your favorite pastime is not worth much to them, and at that moment you suddenly feel ostracized and alone and you react by either defending the integrity of a good read or simply shrugging it off and moving on. But after reading a beautifully penned story by one of the students in my Advanced Fiction Workshop, I realized that it’s not the pain of finding yourself in the minority, but rather the pain from seeing someone, knowing someone, who will never understand the beauty of a masterpiece painted with words.  Continue reading

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Taking a Step Back…

… and seeing what I left behind. It’s amazing to see the wisdom of my youth, and how much I had forgotten.

Let me start from the beginning. Continue reading

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Purpose

Working, being useful, is human nature. Psychological studies have shown that in cases where adults lose employment, they often get depressed not simply because of the weight of responsibility (especially in a familial situation), but also because of a certain loss of humanity. Continue reading

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