Tag Archives: future

Leaving to Find More

It feels like such a novel concept, in a way. The idea that by leaving something behind, there will be more that God will reveal. It’s odd to think about, especially considering it’s the basis of my faith: by putting behind our sinful man, God fills us up with His Love, His Presence; by letting go of this world, He brings us into His Kingdom. But I guess I never, until now, realized that it applies to this. To him. And to myself.  Continue reading

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Transformation

I must have spoken about this before, as it has been a constant theme in my young life, but it is very true that my greatest fear in life is failure. I’m creeped out by spiders and I would prefer not to be at gunpoint, but failure itself is an umbrella under which everything else that is worth avoiding hides. As long as I can avoid failure, I can avoid all other unpleasantness, such as losing friends or disappointing my mother or getting into life-or-death situations. The only problem with this being my biggest fear is my huge aptitude for failure.   Continue reading

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Yesterday I had a big dream.

Today I see a big problem.

Tomorrow I’ll dwell on a big regret.

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The Choice That Reeks Suspiciously of Failure

I didn’t do what MIT students are supposed to do. At 3AM this morning, when I saw that, despite all of my foresight and planning and scheduling, I was unable to finish my assignment by 9AM this morning, simply because I didn’t understand what was going on. Instead of looking things up and searching for the answers in my notes and my textbooks and being a “real MIT student” who says, “I don’t need sleep. I need an A,” I said to myself, “I can’t do this. I need sleep.” And I’m very much afraid that I’m going to look back on this missed assignment and cry my eyes out.

Continue reading

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Faith within Failure

God didn’t save me. So what do I do with that? I can’t very well blame Him for where I put myself. It was all my fault – I didn’t do enough, and I failed.

But I prayed, I trusted Him. What good is a God who lets something important to me slip through my fingers?  Continue reading

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Called – A Testimony, A Poem

(This is meant as spoken word, but until I get the courage to actually perform it, it’ll remain in text. Perhaps one day, but it’s something I’d like to share.)

Father God, I stand before you in the midst of my inadequacy,
A breathing contradiction, the battle within me the only consistency.
I know You have paid the price for me, I know I am free,
Yet still I sit with these chains draped over me. Continue reading

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Today is a gift…

Matthew 6:33-34  “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about it’s own things. Sufficient for the day is it’s own trouble.”

It is easier to have joy when you do not look to the past or to the future; one which you cannot change and the other which you cannot know. For we are not God –  our reach is only as far as our presence, and that only exists in the present.

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It’s a Lonely World

One of my dearest friends, who I haven’t seen in over a year, came to visit me this weekend. I always smile when he comes to mind, with his sarcastic charm, genuine criticism of humanity and society in general, as well as his mind-blowing intelligence and witticisms, it’s common for me to laugh whenever he comes to mind. Or, fall into a deep state of thought, depending on which memory takes my attention. But I always had this idea of him that he was beyond me. His existence as a human being was always so separate, his thoughts so unpredictable, that I never really felt like I could really relate to him. That never hindered me from loving him as I do. But today, he told me his thoughts, and my heart swelled with emotion for him. Mostly because I knew I couldn’t do, or say, anything to make it better.  Continue reading

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Faith As Small As a Mustard Seed

It was the most beautiful show of faith that I had ever seen. Continue reading

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Anew… Again

I recently had an odd conversation with myself, one that revolved around why I was a Christian. It stems from my recent search for who I am, for who God is in my life, and all that kind of existentialist crap that I thought I’d never have to get myself into. Or rather, that I hoped I’d never have to get myself into. Yet it’s a hard question to avoid, especially as a sophomore in college not yet quite sure which direction her life is turning and yet ever so scared of missing a good turn. But that’s a tangent. Continue reading

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