Tag Archives: fear

Chasing away the Dark

I sat at the kitchen table with the Best Intentions. My Bible is in the bag with my journal and prayer notebook at my feet. I bring out my laptop to finish listening to that sermon that blessed me so much yesterday. I make myself soup, one of my favorites, and sit to write a letter to my boyfriend, one of the many he’ll never read. Then from there, the battle began.  Continue reading

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , ,

Fighting Myself

It happened suddenly… it’s one of the reasons why I haven’t written in so long. On June 5th, I met a man who sees more in me than I’ve ever been willing to see in myself. Despite everything I throw at him he refuses to leave… if anything he becomes more stubborn to stay and show me how he sees me. He uses elegant words and phrases to tell me who I am to him, who God is to him, who he was and who he wants to be. I get tongue-tied, awkward in my own skin and fearing the day that he realizes what he’s done, and who I am. It’s taken a toll on me, this fear, and its come to the point that I’ve realized that its not his fault. It’s mine – and I’m tired of fighting myself.  Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

The Mind is a Battlefield

Something tells me that there should be hope at the end of this… I’m just not sure what it looks like yet. When I do, I’ll write it. I’ll post it. But for now, this is all there is.

boom. there goes the cannon.
a cannonball of memories explode your world to smitherines
unable to escape its destruction it haunts you
poison gas of contempt follows you  Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , ,

Transformation

I must have spoken about this before, as it has been a constant theme in my young life, but it is very true that my greatest fear in life is failure. I’m creeped out by spiders and I would prefer not to be at gunpoint, but failure itself is an umbrella under which everything else that is worth avoiding hides. As long as I can avoid failure, I can avoid all other unpleasantness, such as losing friends or disappointing my mother or getting into life-or-death situations. The only problem with this being my biggest fear is my huge aptitude for failure.   Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Things my dad used to say [2]

HUFPSUSU. Prounounced “huhfp-soo-soo”. The ever-so-clever acronym my father came up with to help us remember the sins most abominable to God: hypocrisy, unlove, fear, pride, slothfulness, unbelief, selfishness, and uncleanliness.

And I’ve found myself in the unfavorable circumstance of battling every single one of these. Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,