Last week was hard. The series of events broke me. And it was only at the end of it all that I realized that God was there during all of it, leading me slowly back to Him.
A little something from my journal that I felt led to share:
I need to stop being so selfish; I need to stop acting like a baby. Always thinking about my faults and my flaws and my setbacks and my demons. Jesus paid the price for me – I’m taken care of. That’s why I’m to love him first then others, then myself. For in loving God and others I love myself. Serving God and others is using the gifts God gave me in that I show grace and mercy to myself by allowing myself to take hold of the gifts from God for the sake of others.
I have flaws; a no-brainer. Self-help is not Christianity. Being a follower of Jesus means putting yourself behind you, and taking a step of faith forward towards Jesus. We are no longer enslaved to ourselves because Jesus paid the price for us. He saved us, pinned each and every sin on the cross – I am free.
The only way to claim it is to believe it. The only way to believe it is to act on it. Faith without works is dead.
Walk with Jesus. Listen to Jesus. Let the Spirit speak, shine, and love through me. That is what I have to do.
No, it’s not as easy as that. There is an enemy. But I have hope – we have the victory. All I have to do is keep standing up, in awe of the one who gave it all so that I may have life and life more abundantly. For in Him we are more than conquerors: we are children of God.
Forgive me for stumbling over my words when talking about this; I’ve never fully defined this concept, or really talked about it. Only the people who truly know me believe me when I tell them that I’ve been in my “alone place,” which is generally why they’re the only ones who know about it. But perhaps now is a good time to bring the darkness into the light, in a sense, both for me to truly say what this place is, and to bring it outside of me to be examined, questioned, and hopefully in the end, destroyed. It’s the general consensus that it’s good to have some time alone, but for me, it’s mentally, physically, and spiritually draining. The scariest part is not being able to notice until I’m out. Continue reading
Defined by daughtership. Claimed by the One who paid the price to love those who do not love Him. To give us the chance to walk with Him in intimacy with the Father: a life that is dictated by the will of the Father, yet fueled with a love that never grows weak. Led by a promise, protected by an oath, secured in a sacrifice, and assured by the victory: over death, sin, separation from God. And all for the sake of being joined with God, to be called His daughter, heir to the promise and powerful over His kingdom. For when I was reborn, and even now, He says to me, You are My daughter. I love you, and I am proud of you.
I see a message from a young girl I taught over the summer, one who continues to seek out my help and attention despite the incredible distance. And one, to my shame, I do not have enough patience to help.
I look at Facebook and see that she has yet again sent me a message, this time complaining that I have not responded in a while.
“No,” I think. “I’m not going to respond to you. I’m busy.”
“Elewa, you must love her.” It was God’s voice. Continue reading