Tag Archives: faith

Changes

Life has moved at a pace I could not have foreseen over the past few months since I last put thoughts to screen. It’s scary in some regards, but I’m filled with hope. I know that God is with me, and I feel as though He wants me to chronicle my journey through this time; I feel as though I need to share my testimony. I can’t stay in the dark. I need to be in the light so that God can do a good work in me.

To dedicate this new chapter in my life, I’m starting a new blog: hernameispeace.wordpress.com. If you’ve heard my thoughts before and now want to hear more, I’d love for you to follow. Your encouragement would be invaluable.

Because very soon, I’m going to be a mother.

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Fighting Myself

It happened suddenly… it’s one of the reasons why I haven’t written in so long. On June 5th, I met a man who sees more in me than I’ve ever been willing to see in myself. Despite everything I throw at him he refuses to leave… if anything he becomes more stubborn to stay and show me how he sees me. He uses elegant words and phrases to tell me who I am to him, who God is to him, who he was and who he wants to be. I get tongue-tied, awkward in my own skin and fearing the day that he realizes what he’s done, and who I am. It’s taken a toll on me, this fear, and its come to the point that I’ve realized that its not his fault. It’s mine – and I’m tired of fighting myself.  Continue reading

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Cross-shaped

Last week was hard. The series of events broke me. And it was only at the end of it all that I realized that God was there during all of it, leading me slowly back to Him.

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A Small Revelation

A little something from my journal that I felt led to share:

I need to stop being so selfish; I need to stop acting like a baby. Always thinking about my faults and my flaws and my setbacks and my demons. Jesus paid the price for me – I’m taken care of. That’s why I’m to love him first then others, then myself. For in loving God and others I love myself. Serving God and others is using the gifts God gave me in that I show grace and mercy to myself by allowing myself to take hold of the gifts from God for the sake of others.

I have flaws; a no-brainer. Self-help is not Christianity. Being a follower of Jesus means putting yourself behind you, and taking a step of faith forward towards Jesus. We are no longer enslaved to ourselves because Jesus paid the price for us. He saved us, pinned each and every sin on the cross – I am free.

The only way to claim it is to believe it. The only way to believe it is to act on it. Faith without works is dead.

Walk with Jesus. Listen to Jesus. Let the Spirit speak, shine, and love through me. That is what I have to do.

No, it’s not as easy as that. There is an enemy. But I have hope – we have the victory. All I have to do is keep standing up, in awe of the one who gave it all so that I may have life and life more abundantly. For in Him we are more than conquerors: we are children of God.

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Childlike Faith

Forgive me for my unorganized thoughts, but something just occurred to me. My sister, while sitting on the couch, was bemoaning the fact that she had to get up to get herself food. “I wish I was a baby,” she said. “Life was better back then.”

I wonder, though. It could be argued that babies are the most courageous and patient people on this planet. They enter a world they do not know, they are completely dependent as they slowly learn how to live, how to speak, how to take care of themselves. They take life as it comes, learning slowly and taking into consideration what it means to survive in this world. And they do it with a monumental faith that would be ground-breaking on any adult.

Think about it – when was the last time it was enough for us to trust only one person? To have one love as great as a mother’s love be enough? When was the last time we hungered for what would last us, instead of what would harm us? And when was the last time we took the simple pleasures to heart? When was the last time that we had the pure assurance that everything was going to be okay? Or that something as small as a first step was enough to make us smile? All of these things God calls us to, all of these gifts God wants to give us, and we had them all when we were still being held close to our mother’s bosoms.

Could it then be said that we were closest to God right after we were born? Maybe even before we were born?

I don’t know. Just curious.

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Leaving to Find More

It feels like such a novel concept, in a way. The idea that by leaving something behind, there will be more that God will reveal. It’s odd to think about, especially considering it’s the basis of my faith: by putting behind our sinful man, God fills us up with His Love, His Presence; by letting go of this world, He brings us into His Kingdom. But I guess I never, until now, realized that it applies to this. To him. And to myself.  Continue reading

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Transformation

I must have spoken about this before, as it has been a constant theme in my young life, but it is very true that my greatest fear in life is failure. I’m creeped out by spiders and I would prefer not to be at gunpoint, but failure itself is an umbrella under which everything else that is worth avoiding hides. As long as I can avoid failure, I can avoid all other unpleasantness, such as losing friends or disappointing my mother or getting into life-or-death situations. The only problem with this being my biggest fear is my huge aptitude for failure.   Continue reading

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God is… Relentless

Due to my stubbornness, I have been running from God for a very long time. Today, I learned that God has been running after me.

The feeling has been building since the beginning of the semester. It was the end of a very trying period, and my faith was shaky, to say the least. And so when I entered this semester thinking that it would be the same as last semester, I was very, very disappointed. Everything was harder, messier, crazier; my friends were more distant, my initiative was gone, and worst of all, I couldn’t hear Jesus. Of course, there were good days where I would see Him, and bad days where all I could see was myself. But today God brought everything together and pointed me down the path He has for me. And as much as I may try to run, I remember that that was exactly what I had asked for.  Continue reading

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Coming Home

My friend described my past summer as a “vision quest,” a Native American tradition of sending out the youth in pursuit of some sort of revelation. While somewhat accurate, it’s missing the key element, which is that God aspect that never seems to let me go (thank God): I went in search of myself, but I came back with a revelation of God. It’s interesting, but the more I look to myself and look for myself and try to find the meaning of my life and how I relate to people, the more depressing life becomes. Perhaps I’m alone in this, but I see the gifts I have, I see the opportunities I’ve been given, yet I cannot help but feel like a constant failure. My lack of wisdom in certain situations, the evil that I always fall back into for the sake of not having to fight against it anymore, are only a few of the many elements that I see in myself that make me hopeless. I can’t do it, and what’s worse, I can’t do it without God.
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hey God

hey God, it’s been a long time.

it’s been a long while since i’ve left myself idle

not to pursue the devil’s wiles

but just to speak to you.  Continue reading

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