Tag Archives: boys

Fighting Myself

It happened suddenly… it’s one of the reasons why I haven’t written in so long. On June 5th, I met a man who sees more in me than I’ve ever been willing to see in myself. Despite everything I throw at him he refuses to leave… if anything he becomes more stubborn to stay and show me how he sees me. He uses elegant words and phrases to tell me who I am to him, who God is to him, who he was and who he wants to be. I get tongue-tied, awkward in my own skin and fearing the day that he realizes what he’s done, and who I am. It’s taken a toll on me, this fear, and its come to the point that I’ve realized that its not his fault. It’s mine – and I’m tired of fighting myself.  Continue reading

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Wishing on Bubbles

I wish I could have my friends back.

It’s only happened three times, but for me it’s three times too many times. They were all dear to me, like brothers. And they all disappeared from my life without any kind of explanation.

I wish I could ask them why: what did I do wrong? When did this happen? Why was I the last to know that we were no longer friends? Well, I suppose I wouldn’t ask the last one.

I see them sometimes, and it baffles me how I used to know them so well a lifetime ago. Well, one of them is in Germany, so I don’t see him at all except when his posts come onto my Facebook newsfeed. Which counts, I suppose. But it’s sad too, in a way – Facebook friends, but not friends, really.

I still consider them to be my dear friends though. I’m not the kind of person who can forget what people mean to her easily. The memories will always stay with me: all the times we hung out, cried on each others shoulders, laughed together, helped each other….

But I suppose it’ll always be this way. After all, our lives have changed. I suppose we don’t know how to be friends anymore.

I don’t know why I do this to myself, but I always wish on bubbles. And they always pop in my face.

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Leaving to Find More

It feels like such a novel concept, in a way. The idea that by leaving something behind, there will be more that God will reveal. It’s odd to think about, especially considering it’s the basis of my faith: by putting behind our sinful man, God fills us up with His Love, His Presence; by letting go of this world, He brings us into His Kingdom. But I guess I never, until now, realized that it applies to this. To him. And to myself.  Continue reading

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Dance is Where I find Joy

I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned dancing to be one of my passions. I’ve talking about writing and singing, but goodness, nothing beats moving to the music and feeling the rhythm in your bones and walking the tightrope of the melody in well measured steps. To me, it’s the superior art form, the place where I feel most at home, and the place where I can glorify God the most.

This was something that was shown to me last year, when I first started school. I hadn’t danced since the seventh grade, and I wasn’t planning on it going into college. I was going to play sports – that was my thing. But then suddenly all I could do was dance, and I fell in love with it all over again. But not just ballet this time, but across all different genres. I learned how to make my body speak, and now I can barely see myself doing anything else.

I mentioned this past weekend briefly, but suffice it to say that there was more there than met the eye (though I’m sure my narrative wasn’t as discreet as I was hoping). But yesterday was a hard day, mostly because he was no longer here with me. And then I found this.

It’s a choreography piece from Urban Dance Camp, the most wonderful place full of talent and fabulous dancers. I almost cried, and even now every time I watch it my heart begins to ache. It’s the combination of music and dance here that really connects with me.

Music is wonderful because at the most important times, it speaks the words that you cannot say yourself. It shows you that you’re not alone, that others can relate to you, that you’re not silly or weird for thinking or feeling a certain way. But then when you put that music to dance… it shows you that you can make something beautiful out of it, this horrible place that you’re in. A light can still shine through the darkness.

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It’s a Lonely World

One of my dearest friends, who I haven’t seen in over a year, came to visit me this weekend. I always smile when he comes to mind, with his sarcastic charm, genuine criticism of humanity and society in general, as well as his mind-blowing intelligence and witticisms, it’s common for me to laugh whenever he comes to mind. Or, fall into a deep state of thought, depending on which memory takes my attention. But I always had this idea of him that he was beyond me. His existence as a human being was always so separate, his thoughts so unpredictable, that I never really felt like I could really relate to him. That never hindered me from loving him as I do. But today, he told me his thoughts, and my heart swelled with emotion for him. Mostly because I knew I couldn’t do, or say, anything to make it better.  Continue reading

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Beyonce – Love On Top

Because it’s been way too long since I’ve shared one of these.

And because I so dearly want her voice.

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Dear Susie:

– a message from a college student

One of the strangest things about study time is not the fact that its everything our all-girl’s high school prepared us for, but the fact that there are now guys joining the study circle. You may have been in situations where you used brain power with the opposite sex, but in my case, where the previous example never applied, it’s quite the interesting experience. It could be because of the deeper cadence of their voices that mingle strangely in the overall conversation that poses a new situation for me, or perhaps its because some of their… attributes are fairly distracting. Either way, I thought I should let you know: studying with boys is a strange thing.

Sincerely, l’amour de ta vie: the one and only – Elewa Soma
AKA – the extremely inexperienced girl when it comes to the y chromosone

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