(This is meant as spoken word, but until I get the courage to actually perform it, it’ll remain in text. Perhaps one day, but it’s something I’d like to share.)
Father God, I stand before you in the midst of my inadequacy,
A breathing contradiction, the battle within me the only consistency.
I know You have paid the price for me, I know I am free,
Yet still I sit with these chains draped over me. Continue reading
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
~ 2 Corinthians 12:9
“My life is a mess without Jesus,” I remember thinking yesterday on my way to work. Yesterday had just been a series of unfortunate events, with me rushing to catch the end of time and wasting it on things that were not important, or even harmful. Even this morning, in the few hours of the day, the result is the same. And so when I woke up at 7:30, an hour after my alarm and right as my swimming class began, instead of rushing to class I fell on my knees before the Father, praying that He be with me today, and for the rest of my days.
I cannot go on without Him. Continue reading
“…there’s no place quite so dear. It’s the closest thing to Heaven! How I wish that you were here…” Sentimental, subtly appropriate, and unable to get out of my head as I flew into SFO. Home for the holidays. Finally.
I couldn’t stop smiling as I drove home. All these places that I knew were familiar seemed so new to me. I just realized that I never truly believed this day would come, when I would leave all my books and notes back at school and come home just to be someone’s child, someone’s sister, someone’s friend. Not someone’s student (albeit I’m trying to become someone’s employee… but that’s a different story). Still, with everything God has shown me over the past semester, I’ve made it a goal to not just sleep for the entire 2 weeks that I’m separated from my college campus. No, I want this to be a Christmas that defines me, one that I can look back to as the time when I truly began to find who I am in God. Continue reading
I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned dancing to be one of my passions. I’ve talking about writing and singing, but goodness, nothing beats moving to the music and feeling the rhythm in your bones and walking the tightrope of the melody in well measured steps. To me, it’s the superior art form, the place where I feel most at home, and the place where I can glorify God the most.
This was something that was shown to me last year, when I first started school. I hadn’t danced since the seventh grade, and I wasn’t planning on it going into college. I was going to play sports – that was my thing. But then suddenly all I could do was dance, and I fell in love with it all over again. But not just ballet this time, but across all different genres. I learned how to make my body speak, and now I can barely see myself doing anything else.
I mentioned this past weekend briefly, but suffice it to say that there was more there than met the eye (though I’m sure my narrative wasn’t as discreet as I was hoping). But yesterday was a hard day, mostly because he was no longer here with me. And then I found this.
It’s a choreography piece from Urban Dance Camp, the most wonderful place full of talent and fabulous dancers. I almost cried, and even now every time I watch it my heart begins to ache. It’s the combination of music and dance here that really connects with me.
Music is wonderful because at the most important times, it speaks the words that you cannot say yourself. It shows you that you’re not alone, that others can relate to you, that you’re not silly or weird for thinking or feeling a certain way. But then when you put that music to dance… it shows you that you can make something beautiful out of it, this horrible place that you’re in. A light can still shine through the darkness.
One of my dearest friends, who I haven’t seen in over a year, came to visit me this weekend. I always smile when he comes to mind, with his sarcastic charm, genuine criticism of humanity and society in general, as well as his mind-blowing intelligence and witticisms, it’s common for me to laugh whenever he comes to mind. Or, fall into a deep state of thought, depending on which memory takes my attention. But I always had this idea of him that he was beyond me. His existence as a human being was always so separate, his thoughts so unpredictable, that I never really felt like I could really relate to him. That never hindered me from loving him as I do. But today, he told me his thoughts, and my heart swelled with emotion for him. Mostly because I knew I couldn’t do, or say, anything to make it better. Continue reading
My friend asked me for a short summary of my brief time at university so far. In hindsight, it’s something that I wanted to share.
“God is forcing me to slow down. To reevaluate the gifts he gave me that i used to take advantage of… but because of a lack of time, because i kept rushing, i left those gifts behind. But he’s been reminding me of what I had, while pushing me to keep going forward.
Its been slow, but productive.
Relaxing, but busy.
God, friends, sleep, and myself: past, present, and future.
There’s just one more miracle that i’m believing for before classes start, but until then… the river’s beautiful ^^”
HUFPSUSU. Prounounced “huhfp-soo-soo”. The ever-so-clever acronym my father came up with to help us remember the sins most abominable to God: hypocrisy, unlove, fear, pride, slothfulness, unbelief, selfishness, and uncleanliness.
And I’ve found myself in the unfavorable circumstance of battling every single one of these. Continue reading