I made a decision a friend of mine didn’t approve of. That in itself was fine, but he took it one step further, quoting to me Proverbs 14:12 – “There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.” I tried to shrug it off, but couldn’t. I hold Proverbs in high esteem, and I’m searching for wisdom. The words literally made me stop thinking, going back and forth over the past few days. Was it not enough that I saw God in my choice? That there was good fruit? How would I know that, while it looks good, anything I do is not taking me towards death?
But it was as though, in the midst of all this turmoil, something in me clicked. Snapped. A word from church today was whispered in my ear from Romans 8:8-11 – “So then, those who are not in the flesh cannot please God. But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.”
I know I am a daughter of the Most High God – He has called me His own, He has saved me and He calls me righteous. He has given me His Spirit, who lives in me – and because of this, I am His, and I have life and life abundantly. No, it does not mean that I won’t have struggles, but it does mean that I will not die.
All of this and more I realized as that something within me fought against the wave of impending doom that threatened to wash over me again. I’d like to place it here, as a proclamation to the world, but also as a reminder to myself, that God has not given me the spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind. This I say not only to those who speak against me, but to the voices in my mind who speak against me:
look, your scaring me is not doing any goodi do appreciate your opinions because you’re my brother, but doomsdaying my decisions is cruelyou’re bringing me problems without solutions, battering me with all of this stuff that is only set in condemnationwhat am i supposed to do with that? sit here and cry because i dont know what may come of my desire to love and be loved? because im afraid to die?im not – im a child of the most high God and i trust him. i am not a slave to sin – i will not dieHe promised that he would not let my foot graze a stone, and nothing can keep me from his lovedo not wave verses promising death in my face – the Spirit of Life lives in me, and I rebuke that kind of talkI’m no longer a slave to sin. God has given me wisdom and free will. I would rather you pray for me than curse mei’m tired of being afraid!i’m tired of questioning myself!im tired of hearing from my “friends” that im going to hell because i didn’t hear straight from God that this is the right path!at this point, its a non-issue. i’m happyi answered all your questionsi was hoping you’d be happy for me that i was able to move on. that i see God and that I’m able to worship Him again! that i’m making progress! why do you judge me that i haven’t been able to talk to you about him like i used to? we barely talk anymore!no, on this one i cannot accept this from you. i can understand if you dont approve, that’s fine. but i will not allow you to use scare tactics against me to make me falterI am Elewa Soma – I cannot fall. And I will not die