The Mind is a Battlefield

Something tells me that there should be hope at the end of this… I’m just not sure what it looks like yet. When I do, I’ll write it. I’ll post it. But for now, this is all there is.

boom. there goes the cannon.
a cannonball of memories explode your world to smitherines
unable to escape its destruction it haunts you
poison gas of contempt follows you 

you can’t forget what you did; it was stupid
how could you be so stupid?
stupid is as stupid does so
that makes you stupid, don’t it, stupid?
an idiot mistake
one of many

barraged in the barracks of your soul
by an onslaught of broken dreams from a broken heart
not enough time to make it to the trenches before it hits you
the list blinds you; all you can see is your failures
that time you failed to do this and failed to do that
you betrayed his trust and you broke your promise
she hates you now for that; it’s amazing that anyone doesn’t
that was self-hatred; it got you square between the shoulders
couldn’t even see it coming
but even that is not the fatal blow

you fall into the trenches, the sounds of battle deafening
the voices of people, words both said and unsaid
they attack you, they remind you
you’re nothing
you’re worthless
you don’t belong here
why do you keep trying?

the worst part? there’s no way to make it end
you lob back a grenade and hear that it doesn’t go off
they laugh at your meaningless words of encouragement
that sounded so good when your friend said it yesterday
because you’re alone now
you look around; you’re the only soldier here
they only have one target: you.
so what do you think you can do?
how did you think you could sleep tonight?

your cries are pitiful,
your prayers seem hopeless.
but you still cry
you still pray
for morning to come quickly
for the light to force a ceasefire
so that the battle in your mind can end
at least, until the next night.

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