I can’t remember the last time I threw a temper tantrum with God.
No no, I remember the last time I got upset with God. But I cannot remember the last time I actually stomped around, doing what He has told me to do without an ounce of happiness or joy. As if I was saying, “Fine, I’ll obey. But I don’t have to be happy about it.”
The best part about it is that I could feel God with me the entire time. He never left me to my own devices, neither did He get impatient with my inability to obey with a smile and a nod. I’m sure that will come with time, but until then, He is patient with me.
I have a crazy schedule this semester: wisdom (or just common sense) dictates that I should work early on so that I don’t end up pulling all-nighters every week. But it’s Friday. And I’m tired. And I didn’t get to take a nap today. And I’ve got time. And I just really, really, REALLY don’t want to.
Which is what I made very clear to God as I stomped over to the printer to print out my next problem set.
But there was a small part of my mind that knew that the wisdom was not only for the moment, or for this week. This act of obedience would make it easier for the next time, which would then make the next time easier, and the next time, until I am able to easily manage my time to the best of my ability. Thus being able to maximize the time that God has given me to do the work that I have to, then making myself available to whatever He wants for me without stressing about what the world demands of me.
Of course, knowing that doesn’t make this any easier.
Which is why I then laughed and lifted my eyes to the Heavens. “God,” I said with a smile, “thank You for being so patient with me.” My spirit swelled with joy when He smiled and said, “I love you.” And as I began to work, He was there with me, comforting me, strengthening me.
It makes things easier to know that I have someone cheering me on with every step. And that He will continue to cheer and celebrate with me, no matter where I go in life. Because He loves me.