Taking a Step Back…

… and seeing what I left behind. It’s amazing to see the wisdom of my youth, and how much I had forgotten.

Let me start from the beginning.Two eternities have passed since I left my school to come home. One eternity passed while I was at home. During that time I ran away from everything, because I didn’t want to face anything. I was scared; frightened by what I didn’t know, intimidated by what I did. And so I receded into myself, lost, confused, and unsure of what God wanted of me, though all too aware of what God asked of me.

The next eternity passed on Nigeria, where God forced me out to see the world as His creation, His lost love. My heart opened for my mother country, and my arms enveloped the children I taught, the program I taught in, the people I taught with. It was an experience that touched on every single aspect of my life: emotional, physical, spiritual… and even my heart of hearts was touched. God revealed to me so much about my past, about what had led me to that moment, and about what was going to take me into the future that He has planned for me.

I then returned home, a bit hesitantly. I didn’t want to leave; I didn’t want to return to what I was. I had changed so much in Nigeria. Going back home, going back to school – it all felt like I was going backwards, and I didn’t want to forget what had happened. But God in all His wisdom knew my doubts were unfounded. Because when I arrived back on campus, I saw that not only did nothing disappear, but everything was applied. The lessons I learned pushed me forward to achieve so much, and the semester hasn’t even started yet. I thank Him for His faithfulness.

But admittedly, it is easy to fall back into what once was. It is easy to fall back into laziness, into forgetfulness, and into childishness. But today, God stopped me. I had a list of things to do that would have taken the greater part of the afternoon to do my way. He then showed me how to do it His way, and it took 10 minutes. I then had nothing left to do for the entire day, and I asked Him, “God, where do you want me to go now?” He led me to my past.

I used to write blogs years before I began this one. I’ve always been a writer, I remember that, but I didn’t remember the revelations I came to when I was only 15, or the wisdom I had when I was only 16, or the way that I wrote that has not changed much from the way I write now. I learned from my past self. I grew from my past self. and in doing so, I found myself, for a moment, in a place where I would be if I hadn’t forgotten anything at all.

It’s a place filled with peace, with glory, with love. And I never want to leave.

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