Changes

Life has moved at a pace I could not have foreseen over the past few months since I last put thoughts to screen. It’s scary in some regards, but I’m filled with hope. I know that God is with me, and I feel as though He wants me to chronicle my journey through this time; I feel as though I need to share my testimony. I can’t stay in the dark. I need to be in the light so that God can do a good work in me.

To dedicate this new chapter in my life, I’m starting a new blog: hernameispeace.wordpress.com. If you’ve heard my thoughts before and now want to hear more, I’d love for you to follow. Your encouragement would be invaluable.

Because very soon, I’m going to be a mother.

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A Couple Questions for Myself

Why are you still so sad, Elewa? Don’t you know how wonderful this time is? How full of hope and potential this day is? Why must you carry the weight of yesterday, a weight that you’ve made heavier with your own judgments of yourself?

Why don’t you focus on what you can do, what you will do, what you want to do – why focus on what you haven’t done, what you can’t do, what you’ve failed to do? Why let yourself sit in this place where you can’t go anywhere?  Continue reading

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Your Life Is Yours To Destroy Or Build

A lesson we all learn slowly through the school of hard knocks…

Thought Catalog

Unsplash / David Di VeroliUnsplash / David Di Veroli

The truthiest of all the truths is that you’re the only person who has to live with yourself. It’s all up to you to make yourself feel good and happy and fulfilled and all those gooey things we want out of life. It’s on you and you alone. There are people who will come into your life and stand beside you on this journey: your family, your friends, your loves, your random encounters, that girl from high school who still wants to keep in touch on Facebook. They can comfort you and love you and connect with you and annoy you and frustrate you and teach you all the ways you’re not showing up for yourself. They can do that and believe me, they will. But, they are not responsible for you. That’s the best and worst truth of life. That however your life ends…

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Ever evasive. Never loyal. Coming and going and leaving before much gets done. Deceptive – perhaps this is the time when all will be alright. But it will never be faithful. It will always leave my mind to wander; it will never be tamed. Yet still I’m grateful for when it comes, and I look forward to when I will see it again.

Focus

#extrovertstruggles

Particularly this semester, as my time at MIT comes to a close, I’ve been spending more one on one time with friends who mean more to me than the world. We’ve gone through a lot together, and I’ve learned who has my back, who can take my crap, and who I’d sacrifice basically everything for. But there are those times when the people go away, and all I’m left with are the problems I conveniently forgot about.  Continue reading

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A Proclamation

I made a decision a friend of mine didn’t approve of. That in itself was fine, but he took it one step further, quoting to me Proverbs 14:12 – “There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.” I tried to shrug it off, but couldn’t. I hold Proverbs in high esteem, and I’m searching for wisdom. The words literally made me stop thinking, going back and forth over the past few days. Was it not enough that I saw God in my choice? That there was good fruit? How would I know that, while it looks good, anything I do is not taking me towards death?

But it was as though, in the midst of all this turmoil, something in me clicked. Snapped. Continue reading

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It’s that moment when you set down the pages, shut off the screen, and sit quietly in the darkness that surrounds you. Without knowing it, time sped by; without realizing it, you had been gone for a while. And you close your eyes as the dusts settles, as though afraid of the moment when you’ll realize that the world bound in words was only a dream.

The End of a Book

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A Few of My Favorite Things

I love the smell of vanilla. That warm, heady scent full of sweetness and promises of rest. The scent of vanilla forces you to slow down in a way that the smell of flowers doesn’t. Flowers will make you smile; vanilla makes you stop. You have to stop and savor it, like the taste of thick, creamy hot chocolate as it flows over your tongue. That moment when you close your eyes and allow time to slow down just a little bit so the moment can last a little longer. That’s the smell of vanilla.  Continue reading

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